It's okay to live

A year ago today my dad passed away.
Losing him was, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've experienced thus far in life.  But, in the midst of our family (and the world's) loss I realized something: It's okay for me to live.
Last night my wife and I were watching The Voice on television.  One of the ladies talked about how she had not sung since her father died three years ago.  While I acknowledge that we all deal with grief differently I couldn't help but think of how she unnecessarily robbed herself.  Do I miss my dad?  Yes!  Not a day goes by that I don't think of him.  There are many days that I try to incorporate at least one article of his clothing in my wardrobe.  I guess it's my way of feeling close to him.  Watching the show last night I couldn't help but wonder what my dad would have thought.  And knowing him like I do, I'm certain he would be saddened if, in my grief I were to give up the things that bring me joy.  Knowing my dad made me a better person.  As a result, I have decided that the best way for me to honor the memory of his life is to try my best to be the kind of person that would make him proud.  I can't guarantee I'll always measure up, but I'm sure going to try.

I have found comfort in the knowledge that, as a young man, my dad gave his life to God.  From that point on he did his best to live his life in a way that was pleasing to his Heavenly Father.  As a result, I have faith that he is spending eternity in the presence of the Lord.  And some day, when my time is up, we will be reunited.

I know that there are many who have experienced their own most difficult losses.  And I hope you don't interpret what I have written as insensitive to your loss.  Rather, I hope to encourage and bring hope.  

Detours

In 2004 I received a call to move to Madison to assist in the planting of a church.  My wife and I prayed long and hard about it and were certain that moving would be an act of obedience to God's call on our lives.  So I left college (against the advice of some friends that still haven't spoken to me since) and we moved.  I still the evening a couple months after we moved.  I met with the lead pastor for dinner and he informed me that my main job in the church would be to start a children's ministry and possible after school program.  I was dumbfounded.  In all of my imagining and dreaming of my future, working with little kids was not even on my radar!  On the way home I called my wife to tell her about the meeting and she too was taken aback.  I asked "How could God have called me to leave college and move and then pull the rug out from under my feet?"  But then the thought hit, "If I am faithful with what God has given, He will give increase."  I ended up having kid's church and teaching kids ranging from the ages of 1-12ish.  I never started an after school program, but I believe God did many good works in the lives of the kids.  And I was given increased opportunity to preach sermons in adult church.  Everything seemed to be going well.  But then, my wife and I began to see things happening that made us uncomfortable.  One week during the musical portion of worship I my soul ached so greatly that I had to run out of the service in tears and hide in the bathroom.  I knew that I needed to step down from my position and pray about my future with the church.  That was my last Sunday with that church.  For the sake of the spiritual well being of my family we needed to remove ourselves from that environment.

I began to wonder, "Had I really heard from God about moving to Madison?"  I started to question everything about my "call" to ministry.  Looking back now, I realize that I was at a crossroads.  One choice was that I could choose the easy road and listen to my head which said to give up on ministry and possibly my Christianity.  The other choice was to take the dark, scary, and difficult road and press on toward the destination my heart was telling me was God's plan.  We started checking out other churches and I made quite a lot of calls to area pastors.  Many church visits left us frustrated and unfulfilled.  And none of my phone calls to pastors were returned... Except for one.  

The pastor of The Journey returned my call and invited me to meet him for coffee.  We talked for about an hour. Well, I talked for about 53 minutes out of that hour.  I gave him the condensed version of our experiences and after I was finished he told me about the vision of The Journey and asked me to pray about what my role would be there.  "I'm good to pray now!" I responded.  So we prayed for a few minutes and I promised him I would come the following Sunday.  

My wife and I have attended since that week and 2 years ago I became one of the pastors.  This past year has been one of the best years I've ever experienced in ministry.  I have had the pleasure of being mentored by the new lead pastor and have come to a better understanding of my gifting and exactly what God has called me to do in service to the kingdom.  This past summer, while speaking at middle school camp in Iowa, God taught me and revealed Himself to me in ways I'd never even imagined possible.  Perhaps, in the future, I will write about these things in greater detail.  But for now, the message that I desire to convey is this:

When things don't go according to your plan, press in!  God has a plan.
When the apostle Paul was in prison he wrote:
2 Timothy 1: 11-12

And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am,  Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

Some times there are detours in life. But thankfully, if we continue to seek direction from God, we will find our way back to the road He has called us to.

Peace!