I Believe in Santa Claus

This time of year I remember watching Garfield Goose on TV in Chicago.  Somewhere around this time of year there was a special mini movie that the host, Fraiser Thomas played to officially kick off the Christmas season.

I've always loved Christmas time, the lights, the decorations, the tamales.
Around 3rd or 4th grade many of my friend's parents told them that Santa Claus wasn't real.  Of course each one seemed to think that it was their job to make certain their peers learned this (supposed) truth.
Personally, I've held on to my belief in Santa.

I know what you're thinking, "This is a Christian blog.  You're a dang pastor for crying out loud!"  To that, my response is (respectfully) "Get over it."

I understand that we celebrate Christmas to mark the birth of our savior Jesus.  His life and sacrifice of that life are the foundations of our faith!

But believe there is always room for Santa.
When my kids were at the previously mentioned age where all of their friends tried to ruin their Christmas, they asked me "Dad, is Santa Claus real?"
My answer was always the same, "I believe in Santa Claus."
Here's why:
-Santa encourages kids to be good.  I know I never wanted to be on his "naughty list."
-Santa promotes generosity- I loved the stories my dad used to tell of how he would get some toy or gift made from materials his parents re-purposed in to something special just for him.  Often the original item was something of value that his mother or father had given up to make the day special for the family.
-Santa brings joy- or at the very least temporarily allows us to forget our differences and unite.  Who can hear that loud "Ho, Ho, Ho" without at least cracking a smile?
And
-Santa takes us back.  When I see Santa I feel like a kid all over again.  How can that be a bad thing?

This year I wore my Grandpa Woody's Santa costume.
It was one of the most fun experiences!  Walking the streets of downtown Madison in full costume was a blast!  I had people honk and wave, and almost everyone answered back when I shouted out "Ho, Ho, Ho!  Merry Christmas!"
The church kids at the party I attended lit up when they saw Santa.  Even the adults had a great time being kids again.
I can't wait to be one of Santa's helpers again next year!
-- Interesting true fact, my Mom's maiden name?  Claus!

That's the Santa Claus in which I believe!

Merry Christ-mas!

Jimmy's Fat?

Hi again,
This entry is almost a year in the making.
Last year, when we got home from our Christmas vacation, I put a note to blog about this subject now (actually I was supposed to on Monday but I got distracted.)  So here it is.

Last Christmas (don't worry, I won't launch into the Wham song,) we made the trek to Indiana and Michigan to visit various family members.  While visiting one home I hugged one person who, as they were hugging me said loud enough for all to here, "Oh, you've gained weight."  I pushed them away and said "Gee thanks for pointing it out."  They backpedaled and said "Oh, no, it looks good on you!"  I informed them that there was nothing they could say after that that would make me feel any better.  We made the best of the time together but I couldn't stop thinking about it and passed on the Christmas cookies.  Here's the thing:

Chances are that if people have gained weight since the last time you've seen them they are most likely aware!  Pointing it out will have nothing but negative results.  I'm a pretty quick thinker and there were a ton of things I wanted to say to hurt that persons feelings as they had mine.  But I chose not to participate in the pattern of negativity.
Christmas and other holidays seem to be a catalyst for drama.  Emotions run high.  I don't know maybe it's because prior to gathering we've run ourselves ragged to the point that the filter that is usually between our brain and our mouth gets switched off.  I encourage us all to remember those filters and engage them properly.  Perhaps we would be wise to error on the side of over filtering.
Picture it, Aunt Kathy brings her famous turkey dressing.  What she doesn't know is that it's famous for being as dry as the Sahara Desert.  When she says to you "Oh have some of my dressing, I know how much you love it!"  Instead of saying "Heck no, last time I ate that I almost choked!"  Why not say "Sure Aunt Kathy, It really brings out the flavor of this gravy."  And pour on enough gravy help you get it (and hopefully keep it) down.  You'll make her day!

Granted not everyone reads this blog, although they should, so there will most likely be folks who forget to tend to their filter.  I have learned that my responsibility is not to remind them to filter.  It is my job not to react but to always act in love.  Will it be difficult, probably.
But if things get uncomfortable, take a deep breath and remember that it's one day out of 365.

If that doesn't work, just remember, "Jimmy's gained weight!" That should at least bring a smile to your face.

Choose love!

Merry Christmas!

Identity

In 2003, at the age of twenty-eight, I went back to college.  While there preparing for ministry I had a crisis of identity.  

If I had grades that were any less than perfection I freaked out and I ran myself ragged trying to please everyone I knew.  

I eventually found myself taking advantage of the free counseling program offered by the school.  

The counselor asked me why I felt the need to get perfect grades.  She told me that, "Ten years from now do you really think anyone is going to ask what your GPA was?  She also asked my why I felt that I needed to do so many things for others. 

I thought long and hard on those questions, especially the second one.  Being a verbal processor I had long arguments with myself in her office.  

But after a long time and many tears, I came to a conclusion in the form of a question.  "If I don't do these things, what reason would anyone have for loving me or even wanting to be my friend?"  I mean seriously, I was 20 years older than the majority of the students and my prior college experience ended after a year with a .5 GPA.  

The counselor gave me an assignment.  "Go home and make 2 lists" she told me.  "On one write out how you see yourself.  And on the other, list how God sees you."

I don't remember everything that was on the lists, but I do remember that after reading them to the counselor she asked, "Now, which list is true."
Knowing that God is love and that He doesn't lie I had to answer that it was the "God list."  "So why not accept the way He sees you and live as such?"
I may be a bit slow on the uptake, but I'm not dumb.  I decided to give it a shot.
I stopped killing myself with stressing over being "good enough" so that people would love me.  This doesn't mean that I stopped doing things for others or working to get the best grades possible. 

I just had a different reason.  I began doing things as a response to God's love.  

I no longer put my identity in being a perfect student, my identity in God motivated me to work hard.
No longer was my identity in doing things to be worthy of love, my identity in God's love caused me to love and serve others as I was able.  

I learned that the old saying is true, "You can't truly love others until you learn to love yourself."  

For me, the first step in loving myself came from accepting God's perfect love.  

His love is there for you too.  All you need to do is receive it.

Then you too can find your identity in Him.
And you will begin to live the life for which you were created.  

I would love to hear from you and if you would like, I'd be honored to pray for you.  

God bless y'all,

Jimmy (Seriously!)

Dear Dad

This is the letter I wrote and read for my dad's memorial service.

Dear Dad

When mom asked if I wanted to share at your memorial I was honored and proud to.
But then I was faced with the task of figuring out what I should say.  While I’ve preached hundreds of sermons, speaking at your memorial is one of the most difficult tasks I’ve ever been assigned.  So I decided the best thing was just to write you a letter.

Dear Dad,
I had 48 years as your son but after all of those years I still have so many things to say.  I never said “thank you” for everything you have meant to me.
I’ll always remember the time you told me the story of a few days after I was born.  You told me that the doctors told you that, because of my glaucoma there would be a good chance I would be blind before I was a teenager.  Someone involved with the adoption process told you and mom that because of my eyes you didn’t have to go through with the adoption.  You replied “He’s our son,” to me; those are the most wonderful words I’ve ever heard.  I honestly believe God used you and Mom to save my life.

Dear Dad,
The patience you exercised with me has got to have earned you some big-time rewards up there in Heaven.  
Remember that time I smashed the Oldsmobile in to a tree on the side of the road?  I hid at the Olund’s house because I was too scared to come home.  It’s not that you were ever violent or unfair toward me, but I didn’t want that to be the time I pushed you too far because let’s be honest… Your hands were HUGE!
And then there was the time I was mowing the lawn during my middle school years.  Looking back now, I can admit I was the worst.
I tried to mow in straight lines but often got distracted by shiny objects and made a mess of the yard.  One of those times, you came and corrected me.  In my rebellious youth I said those words that I have regretted since they left my mouth.
As you turned to walk away, I saw the hurt in your eyes.  I wish I had apologized at the time.
It became something we never discussed again, but I wish I had told you how sorry I am.

The love you had for not just me, not just our family, but for so many people has been an inspiration.
So many people in this world seek recognition and prestige.  But you lived out the calling on your life, to love and provide for your family as well as helping others, quietly with humility and grace.

Dad,
In the Amplified Bible Colossians 3:23 says “Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men.
Out of everyone I’ve ever known, there is nobody that embodied that verse more than you.  You had a true servant’s heart.  You were willing to do anything for your family.  And when you had finished meeting our needs you were there for others.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many people have told me how they had been blessed by you.  And even when you didn’t think I was, I was watching and learning.  You used your skills and gifts to bless God’s people.  I didn’t get your skills in carpentry, but what I learned was to use the ones God gave me to be a blessing to others.  That’s why I loved cooking for you.  I loved to watch you enjoy and rave about how much you loved the meals I prepared.  I only wish you could be here to taste the pulled pork I made for the luncheon today.  It’s really good!

Dad,
One of the other things I witnessed while watching you was on the jobsites.  You had a way of drastically changing the environment.  It always shocked me when someone that didn’t even know you would cuss on the job and look over at you and say “sorry man.”
And when the occasional worker lost his cool all you had to do was raise a hand and softly say, “Hey buddy, take it down a notch.”
This is not to say that you weren’t a tough dude.  I remember sitting at the dinner table one night as you explained to mom, Janet, and me why you were wearing a Band-Aid.  I still can’t believe that, after you smashed your thumb at work, you wanted to relieve the pressure so you drilled a hole in your thumb nail!  That’s tough!
Or the time that a stereo speaker fell off of the shelf and found it’s way to your shoeless foot.  “Shucks!” you said as you turned to fetch the Duct Tape to wrap your foot.
But you were a gentle giant.  You knew you never had to prove yourself.  You didn’t demand respect; you earned it.

This brings me to my next point, Dad.
When I was young I got teased endlessly about my last name.  I’ve heard them all…
Rotten apple, Rot gut, Rottweiler, or the one that cracked you and me up the most when I told you; “It’s a good thing your parents weren’t French, you might have been named Jacques.
It used to bother me.  But as I got older and introduced myself to people something weird started to happen.  Time after time they would say “Rot?  Are you related to Neal Rot?”  When I told them that I was your son they always went on to tell me what a great guy you were.  I can honestly say that there was never an instance where someone had anything negative to say connected with your name.
I turned that in to motivation for my life.  I want to continue the legacy you created.  Often on jobs I’ve asked myself “What would Neal do?”  And every time that I’ve chosen what you would do in a situation it’s turned out to be the right decision.  

Dear Dad,
During those rebellious teenage years I did everything I could to prove how different you and I were.  But as I got older I realized that everything good in me comes from listening, watching, and learning from you.  I have witnessed your kindness, compassion, strength, integrity, and character.  Those things and many more, are what made you my hero.

Dear Dad,
Do you know what my favorite advice from you is?  You gave it to me the first time I brought Cheryl to the house here in Michigan.  She had gone to the back room while you and I were still sitting at the dining room table.  As soon as she was out of earshot you said “You’ve got to marry that one!”  I followed that advice and it was the best decision I ever made.  And you not only treated her like my wife, she became your daughter too.

Dear Dad,
Thank you for all of those times you drove us 30 minutes to church when I was a kid.  Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, Awana nights, youth group nights, your devotion to training us in the ways of the Lord bought about a faith that I will carry all of my days.
It is because of your fanning the flames of faith that I am a pastor today.  And it’s my faith that has helped me to celebrate the life you lived rather than mourn our loss.
It has helped me to accept that this life is temporary.  And even though we live in a fallen world where disease and death are present, we are confident that there is an eternity with God when our time on Earth is done.  So I can be filled with joy!  I will see you again!

1 John 4:12 (NIV) says:
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.
Dad, you completed that love of God in so many lives.

I have often said that when tough times come we have two choices, we can turn away from God, or we can press in and seek Him.
Dad, our time of being blessed by you has come to an end.  And it breaks our hearts.  I miss you every day.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times in the past weeks I’ve wanted to pick up the phone, put it on speaker because you couldn’t hear me unless I had it right in front of my mouth, and talk to you.
 
Dad, there are people listening to me read this letter.  I know that you would want them to know that you are “home.”  You are no longer in pain, you don’t have to watch what you eat, and you never get tired (although I’m pretty sure your idea of Heaven includes some great nap times!)
If it’s okay with you Dad, I’m going to tell them along with you, how the best way that I can honor your memory is to seek God in this and every situation.  And to follow the example you set in blessing others with what God gave.  And I should probably tell them that if they have questions about how they can have the peace and hope that comes from making Jesus Lord, they can talk to me or Pastor Jeff during the luncheon.

Dear Dad,
The day after you died I came to Michigan to be with mom and Janet.  I put on one of your shirts, ties, sweaters, and hats.  They somehow brought me comfort.  And I put on your watch.  I’ve worn this watch every day since then.  Even at its tightest adjustment it’s still big on me.  I suppose it’s only natural that those giant hands of yours were attached to some pretty significantly large wrists.  So quite often I will give my hand a little bit of a shake to get the watch facing the correct direction. Some times when I cook, wash dishes, or at night I take it off.  On several occasions I’ve caught myself shaking to adjust the watch that isn’t even being worn.
After thinking about it I realized how fitting it is.  It’s a reminder that even though you are not physically with me, there will be parts of you that will forever be present.

Dear Dad,
There are so many additional things I will miss:
I’ll miss how your belly bounced up and down when I made you laugh;
I’ll miss calling to tell you about my manly exploits in vehicle repairs.
I’ll miss you sitting in your chair and saying “Come here once” to summon me to talk to you.
I’ll even miss the expression on you face when I would say something that made you think I was the weirdest person you’d ever met
And I will miss so much more.

The last thing I wanted to say is something I’ve said before.  Sadly I didn’t say it enough.
What I want to say once again is that Dad, I love you.

Proud to be your son,
Jimmy

You're Doing it Wrong!

Well, maybe not you, but I bet the title got your attention!
Now that I’ve got you, what the heck am I talking about?

I used to be a social media nightmare.  I posted pretty much 24/7.  I actually have a friend who unfriended me on Facebook because she said I was “too talkative, you constantly flood my news feed.”  That alone wasn’t exactly a crime against humanity.  But, at one point, I realized that I had slipped in to a pattern of negativity.  My negative posts outweighed the positive by somewhere in the neighborhood of 95%.
I had also gotten quite “good” at online arguments.
But then I had a conversation with a friend who had been struggling with those who call themselves Christians but post negativity and pick fights.  He hadn’t directed these comments at me, but they caused me to analyze my own habits.

I was reminded of the verses James 3:
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Adjusting my words and attitudes on Facebook has brought around changes I had never expected.  First, I believe it has brought credibility to my claims to be a follower of Christ and things such as this blog.  Second, I think it’s my general outlook has improved.  No longer do I focus on negativity and I get along with people better.

One unexpected benefit has been the outpouring of love and support I have received over the past couple of months.  Those of you who know me know that my father died two weeks ago.  I have been overwhelmingly blessed by so many of you!
Recently I posted a need for a dog sitter.  Again, my network of friends was there for me!  And when I was a nervous wreck over impending dental work I received so many kind words!
I have come to realize that this is what social networking is all about.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a substitute for personal interaction.  Rather, it’s a tool that can be used to enhance relationships.
I just got home from the dentist after having major work.  I hope that all made sense.

God bless y’all!

Answers

It sounds so simple.  

But I think I may have finally figured out the answer to one of life’s big questions.

When I was a kid, Bob Thomas, the field goal kicker of the Chicago Bears came to our church to speak to the men and boys.  After he finished speaking everyone was given the chance to come forward and get his autograph.  When it was my turn he asked, “How would you like me to make this out?”  I told him my name and asked if he wanted my autograph.  “Why?” he asked.  “Because I’m going to be famous some day” I answered.  

The weird thing is that for the longest time I had absolutely no clue as to what it was I wanted to be when I “grow up.”  I had marginal success in carpentry.  I was pretty decent on the saxophone and bass and sang harmony with the best of them.  But while I enjoyed these things, I was never really fulfilled.  Once, my birthmother’s husband asked me if I wanted him to teach me guitar.  I grabbed the guitar and played a couple cords and handed it back saying, “Nah, I don’t have enough love for it to commit to becoming excellent.  And the world is full of mediocre guitar players.”  

I guess that’s how I’ve felt about a lot of areas in my life.  I did a lot of things, but never really had the drive to become more than okay.  To say this has lead to years of frustration and disappointment is an understatement.  So recently I have given a lot of thought to what it is that I was created to do with my life.  I figure if I pursue the things that I love, everything else in life will make more sense.  

The interesting thing is that the two things I love the most have been there for quite some time.  But recently I have had a drive to pursue those things with every fiber of my being.  They are not just things that I do but who I am!  And herein lies the answer to the big question of “Who am I?”  

When I was a kid, my parents gave me “The Way,” a (at the time) modern version of the Bible.  There was a bookmark in it which was in the book of James.  The first line of James 1:1 was underlined.  It read “James, a servant of God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”  

I have thought about that verse often and have been asking myself, and God, what that means.  For me, it seems to mean not just figuring out what it is that I love in life, but doing that for God.  So what do I love?  My wife!  God has given me the perfect partner in my wife.  My #1 job is to be the best husband I can possibly be.  God has called (us) two to become one.  We often refer to our spouse as “The other half.”  But I want our DNA to so be interwoven that losing her would be losing me. 

The second thing that I love is sharing God’s word.  No job or activity I have ever done has come close to the feeling I have had when I speak the words that God has called me to speak.  There is really no way to adequately describe it.  It has become like a fire in my heart.  It is something I need to do.  There is nothing else that satisfies.  

Does this mean that I’m going to quit my job tomorrow and start shopping around for churches?  No, that wouldn’t be realistic.  I know that I still have a way to go before that happens.  But in the mean time, I will pursue preparedness with passion and persistence (whoa, that’s a lot of p’s!)  

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.- Colossians 3:23

To you, the reader and fellow traveler in this life we share, I say this:  “Find that which you love and figure out how to do that for Jesus.”  

I would love to read your thoughts and observations on what this means in your life.  Please feel free to dream and share!

Blessings and Stuff

I don't know why, but lately I have been thinking about blessings and stuff.  Recently I was called upon to assist with a certain situation.  During the incident the person said "I just don't know what to do anymore."  It wasn't the time or place to offer some pearls of wisdom, I merely did what I was called upon to do.  But it got me thinking.  I actually have strong feelings and opinions on the subject in question.  But what they were saying at the time was more of a statement in frustration rather than a request for advice.

A year or so ago my wife and I had a friend and her mother stay with us for a few days.  Me, being the one that expresses love through cooking, asked if the mom had any dietary restrictions.  It turned out that she was vegetarian.  I could have said "Well I'm not, she'll get what she's served" or made a boring cheese pizza and let her deal with it.  But how is that love?  How is that being a blessing?  Instead I got plenty of yummy ingredients and made a heck of a good pizza (of course I did have one with bacon for the meat eaters present.)  I hope that she was blessed, but I didn't do it to get recognized as awesome.  I did it because that's how we should love.  We may not all have the same likes and dislikes, but if I love, we can find commonality.

I also have been learning to recognize when to shut up.  My wife may some times tells me about something that has happened in her day.  Some times, all she wants is for me to listen.  When I stop listening and start formulating an answer to all her problems, I have stopped being a blessing.

I do need to follow up on that friend now that the heat of the moment has cooled off.  I won't offer unsolicited advice.  Instead I will tell them that I have thoughts on what happened and that I am available if they want to chat.

I guess what I'm saying is that being a blessing is not about me.
It sounds so basic.  But in the "me-centric" world in which we live it takes some practice.
Being a blessing is not about making us look good.  It's about serving and love in an unselfish manner.  When/if I bless someone my goal needs to be one that gives all glory to God.
That reminds me of the old song we used to sing in the Swedish Baptist church.  The song was titled Make Me a Blessing and part says:

Make me a blessing, make me a blessing,
Out of my life may Jesus shine

So there ya have it.
I'd love to read your thoughts

Hurting Whom?

Warning, this is kind of a graphic post but one that I hope helps someone...

Several years ago, when I was going through the beginning of the end in my first marriage I was in a dark place.  I worked in a woodworking shop and would occasionally call my (now) x wife on my breaks.  One day, after a particularly heated discussion on the phone I returned to work fuming.  I was so filled with rage that I just wanted to hurt someone or something.  And then I noticed something.  The machine I worked on had several sets of drill bits.  In retrospect, I  know my anger induced thinking was clouded.  I don't know what my thought process was at that time, I just did it...  I shoved my forearm into the machine and dragged it across one of the drill bits for about 10 inches drawing blood.  I looked around to make certain nobody noticed and wrapped my arm in toilet paper and pulled down the sleeve of my sweatshirt.  And in some weird way, the pain made me set aside my anger until the next bout.  Some time later we went at it on the phone again.  This time I used my company issued razor knife.  I did the other arm and again, I went on with my day.  In time, I was finding the smallest things and using them as an excuse to control my emotional pain with physical.  I got to the point where I wouldn't wear short sleeves for fear of having to explain myself.
When my marriage fell completely apart I kind of forgot and stopped cutting my arms.
Then, one day I met the most amazing woman.  I heard her laugh and knew I had to spend the rest of my life with her!  We started dating and I ended up proposing.
And then it hit me.  I started to worry that I was opening myself up for the possibility of more pain.  So one night, I decided to "take control" and hurt myself first (I'll spare you the gory details) and branded a cross in my left forearm.  Some nights later, my fiance noticed my arm that was bandaged and asked me what had happened to it.  I didn't want to lie, so I told her.
I saw tears well up in her eyes as she told me to that she never again wanted to see me hurt the man she loves.  It was as if I was watching her very heart being cut.  She swore she would never intentionally cause me physical or emotional pain.  And I believed it.  Her love for me reminded me so much of how unconditionally God loves us.  I married that woman, and to this day she has kept her promise.  And I kept mine to never intentionally cause myself physical pain.

Why do I share this story?

Because this afternoon on the way home from work God laid it on my heart.  And I have learned that when He says to do something I do it.

As I type I am thinking, if seeing the results of self-inflicted wounds can cause another human being such heartbreak, how much more sadness does our Father and creator feel when He sees us cause pain to ourselves or others?  And I imagine the tears in His eyes as we seek counterfeit solutions.  Can we stop the world from hurting us?  No.  But we do have access to the source of healing.  His love for us in unconditional and unending.  We are able to have peace in the knowledge that this world is temporary.  One day all physical, mental, and emotional wounds will be gone.  We can live with the hope that is held in an eternity with God!
How cool is that?

But he was pierced for our rebellion,
    crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
    He was whipped so we could be healed.
                                                         Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)

I pray that this story speaks to someone in a way that brings God's healing.  If you would like to share please feel free to in the comment section or send me a personal message.
And If you are experiencing a similar emotional battle I would love to pray for/with you.

God bless y'all!

RUN!!!

Hi again!
I'm sorry about the recent hiatus from blogging.  I've had a lot going on and needed to take care of things.  But I'm back with some new thoughts.

As I mentioned, I have had a great deal happening in life.  I'll spare you the details (although if you would like more info feel free to send a message to itisjimmy@gmail.com).
But we all have stuff going on in our lives don't we?  In the past, when bad things happened, I ran.  I mean for some reason I thought that it made perfect sense to get mad at God and run away from him.  I would stop praying and hanging out with the church.  My attitude was that He abandoned me so, in turn, I should abandon Him.
Let me make it clear; that type of approach NEVER worked out well for me.

But some time ago my wife and I learned a great lesson.  We learned to run TO God.  I don't remember the situation at that time; that part of the story is unimportant.  But as we were lying on the bed discussing it, one of us said something like, "We don't know what to say or what to do... Maybe we should start by taking it to God."  So we did.  We prayed.  We didn't know what to ask or say, but we prayed.  As we were in prayer we started telling Him that we had no clue and asked for direction.  But most importantly, we acknowledged that He is all knowing, loving, and has our best interests at heart.  So we completely gave the situation to Him.  Some time later we got the answers and direction and God provided for us in a way that we had not even imagined.  And He not only met our needs, He exceeded them!

So now, when life has seemed to throw us several curve balls, we have turned to Him.  So far things are not completely resolved, but we have hope.  And we are trusting that even if things don't go according to our plan, His plan is perfect.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

I am convinced that God will never abandon us.  He continually proves His love for us.  And His church has been an amazing blessing.  Even when we didn't know how to pray, they have lifted us up in prayer.

So there are my thoughts for the week.  I'd love to hear/read if you've had similar experiences.  Or maybe you are in the midst of some "stuff."  I'd be happy to pray for you!

God bless y'all!

People Watching

In the past week or so I've been going through some "stuff."
I shared a little bit through Facebook, phone calls, and some texts.  My goal was not in search of sympathy, but rather a call for those willing to rally with me in prayer (especially over the financial burden attached with the situation.)  And yes, I'll admit, I was hoping for a bit of encouragement in the midst of what my mind perceived to be a bleak outlook.  
It's been an eye-opening experience.  I have come to realize that there are 3 main categories of people in these situations.
1) Those who do/say nothing
2) Those who show compassion
and
3) Those who feel obligated to inform me that I brought the consequences upon myself.  

I'm pretty much okay with the first category.  I can understand that, at times, the correct words can be difficult to find.  I like to give those people the benefit of the doubt.  I don't know what they might be dealing with in their own lives.  It's a much more freeing attitude than assuming they don't care.

The second group of people are wonderful!  I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I have been by those who have sent encouraging words.  I even received some great words from Scripture as encouragement.  And to know that there are those that will love me and stand with me no matter what the situation has been amazing.  I even appreciated those who replied with humor to help me laugh and remember to be joyful in even this time.

Then there are the others whom I have mentioned.
What in the heck are they thinking?
I (almost) get it when the dentist told me "Well you did it to yourself!" But I would have thought that as he saw my tear-filled eyes that he would have attempted to soften the blow.  But what about those I love and was looking for a shred of hope?  Don't they realize that everything they have said I have already told myself countless times?  I KNOW I messed up in not taking better care of myself.  I can't help but wonder if they actually think they are helping.

Why do I tell you all of this?
It's because it has caused me to think... A lot.
The other day my wife and I were walking the dog and we had a conversation.  Here are some of the things that were weighing on my mind (I'll try to share them in a more organized manner than they way they are in my head):

I think that those 3 categories apply to the way that some believers look at the world and those who do not know Jesus.  And if I'm to be totally honest, I've spent seasons in all 3 of these.

Some choose to ignore their need for reconciliation.  They may say things like "It's not my job" or "I just don't feel comfortable sharing or being 'confrontational.'"
To them I ask, "What if everyone in that person's life has that same attitude?"
I used to be one of those in this category.  But after a friend/coworker's suicide I realized that had I spoken up and shared Christ, he might have known where to turn when things looked as if there were no reason to go on.

I'm going to skip ahead to category 3 here...
It's sad to say, but I have seen (and even been) people with the attitude of "Well you did it to yourself."  I've made decisions based upon my own preconceived notions or feelings.  It's difficult to put aside the hurt that someone may have caused us or others and come to the realization that perhaps their actions and attitudes were actually driven by the fact that they have never met the Truth.
In my conversation with my wife I said something similar to, "If a person smokes their whole life they may get cancer.  Cancer is a consequence of their harmful behavior.  That doesn't mean that they deserve the disease.  There is a difference between the two."  (Yeah, I was pretty impressed that such a deep thought came out of me too.)
The Bible says that "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23)
That speaks to me!  There are results, or consequences for our rebellion against God.  But He loved us enough to make a way for us to be reconciled.  If it's good enough for Him it sure the heck better be good enough for me!

I want to always be one who falls into the category of "compassionate."
I never want to be so far removed that I am not able to feel or see the need of others to be made right with the Lord.
The tattoo on my right shoulder is of two feet.  Inside one it says "God" and "reigns" in the other.  It is there to remind me of the Scripture which reads:

For, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?  And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”
- Romans 10:13-15
It is my desire to live my life in such a manner.  I encourage you to to the same.  Let's have some "beautiful feet!"

God bless y'all!

Reinvention

I've read a lot of Facebook posts about how the school year has either begun or is about to begin in the near future.  It reminds me of the times, about a million years ago, when I was of school age.  

While I hated the idea of summer ending, part of me looked forward to the prospect of new beginnings.  

You see, usually by the time the previous school year wound down I had pretty much driven everyone crazy.  I made dumb mistakes or said the wrong thing to the wrong people (especially teachers) and was as anxious to get away as they were to be rid of me.  This was not just true in school, but in my home church as well.  Summering in Michigan was, to me, like when Superman would get away to his Fortress of Solitude.  I could recharge or, in my case, reinvent myself.  

A few years back I began my journey of my most recent incarnation of reinvention.  I had been on a path that I thought was true.  But my wife saw that I was following a person (whom I thought was following God) rather than following God Himself.  She didn't nag or tell me that what I needed to do.  She prayed.  God eventually opened my eyes.  I saw that I was in actuality being led away from God rather than closer.  And upon further examination I realized that if I wasn't pleased with the man I had become it was safe to say that neither was God.  So I took the necessary steps to right my path.  Often there is pain involved in the process.  It was as if I was being pruned.  I don't know if trees have a sense of feeling, but as a human, it sometimes hurts to have that which we held close cut from our lives.  

Giving myself a new name, Jimmy, was part of the reinvention.  I use it as a reminder that I am no longer the person I once was nor will I ever go back.

Reinvention is not in and of it self a bad thing.  In retrospect some of my attempts at reinvention went over like a fart in church- (I'm talking to you 17 year old Jimmy with the bad mullet!)  I think it's a good thing to reflect on the past and address that which needs to change.  But now, as I continue on this spiritual journey, I have come to realize that it's futile to attempt reinvention on my own.  While I'm pretty awesome, I am only human.  My wisdom is limited.  

I need to seek God's wisdom and direction.  

Earlier this month I had the pleasure of being the main speaker at a camp for the Middle School students of the Iowa Division of Foursquare Churches.  I honestly believe that God as much of a work in me as He did through me.  He has reignited my passion and reminded me of my calling.  I don't know exactly what that means.  I want to be cautious not to push so hard that I follow my own desires more than God's direction.  But I do know that I have to seek direction from Him.

I ask that you join me in prayer not only for God to direct me, but that He also make His plan and call on YOUR life clear.

Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight

Post Camp Thoughts

Last week I had the pleasure of speaking at the Middle School camp for the Iowa district of Foursquare churches.  There were about 28 kids and combined with teen leaders and adults the number of people totaled somewhere in the 50's.
I've been the speaker at camp in the past but the fact that it had been a few years and that the directors of the camp were the parents of one of my spiritual mentors, I was a bit nervous.
On the drive down I kept a close eye on the G.P.S. and surfed the radio dial.  But when I got about an hour or so from my destination the nerves were really taking over my thoughts.  Although I had been praying and asking others for prayer, I decided it was time for some heavy prayer.  I realized that I'm just a flawed vessel that God chose to use for His purposes.  I'm nothing more then an extroverted A.D.H.D. goofball who has a story for everything.  But when I allow God's Spirit to work in me and through me great things can happen.  So I committed every aspect of the week to Him- my actions, my words, my thoughts, everything.  .
Then I pulled up the "Cool Christian Stuff" folder on my MP 3 player.  How Great Thou Art, the Carrie Underwood/Vince Gill version came on.  The song has always been one of my favorites and Carrie's version brings me to tears every time.

Later, after getting slightly lost (the camp doesn't appear on the G.P.S. I borrowed) I arrived at camp.
Walking in to a situation of being the stranger walking in to a group that all knows each other can be a bit intimidating.  But God said "Just be yourself, I got this."  At the first leader meeting the director, Cheri introduced me and told them that I would be sharing a little of my story at evening chapel.  I made some comment like "It's going to be awesome, you'll probably cry; don't forget to bring Kleenex."  It's funny how getting my first laugh relaxes me.  From that point on I was fine.

The kids were amazing!  Very well behaved and good listeners.
A couple highlights:
One night I gave an illustration of how hard it can be to hear God when we've got so many distractions.
I had one of the kids come sit on a chair and told him that I was going to give "the phrase that pays" and he had to repeat it.  But before I gave him the phrase I brought up a couple other people.  I had one speak continuous Facebook status', I had another give baseball play-by-play, one acted as the nagging girlfriend asking to be taken places.  I had one of the moms come up too (because it's not always bad things) and tell him to clean his room and do other chores.  And 2 more came up and just had a conversation.
And I said "Oh yeah, gotta have music!"  And played a Metallica song as performed by a cello group Apocalyptica.
I then said "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10.)  I asked him what I said.  He replied "I don't know, it's too hard with all the distractions!"  I told him, and the audience, that I couldn't have put it better myself.
Here's the super cool part... The next day his cabin leader told me that later that night he asked "So what's this 'asking Jesus into your heart' all about?"  And after talking for a bit, Karl, the leader led the kid into a relationship with Christ.

One night, I went to my cabin to prep the message for the next morning.  I finished my PowerPoint slides and typing and I felt God say "That's not what I want you to say."  So I started to retool another message I had.  When I finished God said, "That's cute, now are you ready to listen to what I want you to say?"  So I prayed for a bit and He gave me about 5 sentences and a couple of verses and then said "Now pray!"
I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night.  But when it came time for chapel God gave the me the words.  I don't remember much, I was just repeating what He told me to say.  But I was told by several that it was exactly what they needed to hear.

Another cool thing...
During 2 of the evening sessions, the director had invited married couples from her church to share testimonies.  When I asked what they were going to share it ended up fitting perfectly with the subject God had given me for each evening.  One even had the exact same verses written down in her notes!
If that isn't proof of God's hand in the week I don't know what is!

I also got to pray with/for some of the kids.  That was really cool!

The last thing that was really neat...
On the last day, every time I looked at one of the teen leaders, I got teary-eyed.  After lunch I realized that God wanted me to give her a word from Him.  So I pulled her aside (but still in plain view of everyone as to not be inappropriate) and said the words God had given me.  I was overwhelmed and crying like a baby.  It was the first time I've received a word for an individual in that way.  And more confirmation that God was at work in the week!

I pray that God will continue the great work He began last week.
And I have been reminded of the call and purpose God has given me.  I am reminded that I need to take every step as God directs to achieve the goals He has placed on my heart.
There is nothing as satisfying as doing the things you love and doing them for God.
I encourage all who have read this to figure out what you love, and then figure out how to do that for Jesus!

Here's the video I was telling you about... Enjoy!

God bless y'all!
 

Still Learning, Still Growing

Today is the day I celebrate the anniversary of my birth.

I thought it a perfect time to reflect upon that which I've learned, especially over the latest year of my life.  

Delete the drama

My fellow pastors at http://www.thejourneycommunity.com/ have taught me a lot.  One of the greatest lessons I have learned from them is to avoid the avoidable drama (of course they probably would have worded it a lot better than I.)  I have seen a lot of disagreements on social network sites such as Facebook.  And for a while I thought it was somehow my responsibility to set straight those that I was certain needed my words of wisdom.  But in watching these wise men and women with whom I have partnered, I have learned that some times the best thing I can say is nothing.  It's not that they don't have an opinion, but they know that it is extremely rare that an argument on someone's status on Facebook is going to end in a way other than with hurt feelings and those arguing portraying themselves in a negative manner.  

Recently, someone I'm friends with posted like a 5 word status update.  The comments immediately began coming in.  As I read some of them I started to type my thoughts.  But then I read what some people were saying.  Many used some pretty vulgar language to argue their points.  I decided it would not be the best idea to comment and canceled the post.  A couple of days later I checked back on the post.  There were over 80 comments.  As I read them my heart broke.  There were some really ugly things being said.  While I can (to some extent) understand the things said by those who don't know Jesus, it was comments by some of the Christians that upset me the most.  Some of the things were the most horrible, loveless things I've ever read.  They did not display an accurate image of the God that I serve.

It's not that I don't believe that there is right and wrong.  I take a stand for that which I believe every day.  But I have learned that social networking sites are not the proper forum for such discussions.  

I'm not very close to the person who made the original post nor do I even live in close proximity.  But if I was closer to them I would send a private message or text and tell them that I'd love to discuss the topic further.  Notice I didn't say that I would send the message and have all of the answers.  While I agree that there are times that we should take a stand, I believe that it's not always our job to offer unsolicited advice.  I have learned that often slams doors shut and causes breaks in relationships.  I've leaned to ask if someone was interested in my thoughts on the topic at hand.  

I didn't plan on having this much to say on one topic, so I guess maybe this will be a continuing series for a couple of weeks.  Tune in next time for more as I share what God has taught me in the past year.

 

I'll leave you with this for the week:

Proverbs 27:19- As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart.

God bless y'all!

Maybe, Just Maybe

A couple of weeks ago I went to my local, small town, bank.  We've banked there for many years and most of the tellers know me.  But this time was different.  When I walked up to the counter the (newer) teller had a slightly nervous expression on his face.  He asked me to remove my hat.  I looked at him like he was nuts and he continued by saying that they prefer to have transactions on video without obstructions of hats and things.  My first inclination (which I did NOT act upon) was to get angry and say that I didn't need to take off my hat.  I wanted to ask if he would be asking me to do it if I wasn't brown.  But I didn't want to cause a scene so I complied.
That encounter got me thinking.
I have a couple friends that work at banks in different cities and states who have been held up.  One actually had a gun pointed at her.  She said that it's an experience she'll never forget.  So when it comes to the safety of bank tellers, maybe it's not about me.
When I let that thought roll around in my brain for a little while I wondered how this concept could apply to other areas of my life:
A person cuts me off in traffic- Maybe it's not about me.
The temperature drops 20 degrees, it's overcast and threatening rain on the day of my party- Maybe it's not about me.
On the same day as my experience in the bank I went grocery shopping.  Anyone who has been to the grocery store lately can attest to the fact that food prices are out of control.  As I looked at the high meat prices I could feel the anger pouring over me.  I had to remind myself "Maybe it's not about me."

Now would be a good time to clarify what I mean by "Maybe it's not about me."
Obviously every one of those things I previously mentioned have an effect on me.  But the teller was most likely following branch policy.  I highly doubt it was a personal attack.
Rain happens.  I don't think God was up there saying "Let's mess with Jimmy and make it cold and damp on the day of his party."
And as for the guy that cuts me off, or the hundreds of people that find it necessary to ride my bumper in traffic?  I'm sorry, but some times people just suck.  I'm trying to remember that some times people have a lot more going on in their lives and unfortunately they often spew their crap on others.
It is a result of the world in which we live.
I'm convinced that if we discern between whether something is a personal attack or just a result of living in a fallen world we can often defuse potentially volatile situations.

This may come as a shocker to some readers, but I mess up... A lot!
But here's the thing.  When I mess up I hope that people are forgiving and extend grace even when I don't deserve it.  So if that's what I want from others, shouldn't I be willing to extend the same to others?
Instead of automatically assuming that the negative that is happening is a personal attack maybe I would be better off rolling with it.  Because when I get angry it usually snowballs.  Before I know it I am mad at the world and ready to kick some butt.  But really what good ever comes from that?  That's how wars get started.
So the weather didn't turn out as I planned and some of my friends couldn't make it.  Was it really the end of the world?  NO!  We had reserved a shelter in the park so we were protected from the rain.  And I still enjoyed time with the friends that were able to make it.
And now, when I go to the bank, I remove my hat prior to entering out of respect for those working in a potentially dangerous situation.

Maybe it's not about me.  But maybe I can take it upon myself to be the reason someone else has a better day.

God bless y'all!

Being there

My wife and I went on vacation a couple of weeks ago.  It was FANTASTIC!  We had such a great time of relaxation.  It was a week with family, food, and sunshine.  I hadn't realized how much I was in need of a break from life.  I highly recommend taking time to recharge and reconnect at least once a year (I would love to do it more often but that's probably not financially feasible.)
Prior to our get away, my wife and I had a discussion about someone else that was getting ready for a trip.  That person had already begun to talk about how "Before you know it, it will be over and time to come home."  I feel badly for people with that mindset.
When I was in college I was in one of my classes and my friend Andrea wrote a quote in my journal that has stuck with me ever since.
“Wherever you are, be all there!" - Jim Elliot
I seriously love that!  Later I looked up Elliot's quote.  It continues by saying, " Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
Through the years I have had some difficulty living that way.  But God continually reminds me of this quote and it gives me the emotional boost that I need.
Recently I have had some disappointments in the area of career. Nothing major, just some disappointments as far as the direction that I think I should be headed.  But I am learning to trust that God will direct my steps.  That doesn't necessarily mean that things will go the way that I expect them to go.  But, where I am flawed and not exactly the brightest, He is perfect and wise.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

When disappointment comes, I have been trying to remember these words and live by them.
On a personal level, this helps me to remember that- my job is just a job; my calling is to be a servant of God and to share the message of reconciliation with the lost world.  In my book that's the greatest calling there is.
So when I live life like Andrea quoted, being "all there," I can't help but be filled with joy.
Seems like a pretty great way to live!

I encourage you,
“Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
― Jim Elliot

God bless y'all!
Jimmy!

What I believe

This one is going to be deep and may be considered offensive, but I share what I believe in hope that, if you don't already believe, you will come to know God.  I'd appreciate if you kept an open mind.

A couple weeks ago, when I was visiting a church in Michigan, I heard a staggering figure.
The preacher said that only (approximately) 4% of the American population is capable of giving a clear explanation of the Gospel message.
I am passionate about the Gospel and try to include the message every time I preach.
I often write in this blog about my experiences and usually tie them to scripture and how God brings me through my daily life.  So I thought it would be good to share what I believe.
Here it is a brief synopsis of the gospel:

God made the world and everything in it.  He walked with the first man and woman and met all of their needs.  The only thing he asked was that they not eat the fruit of one tree in the garden He had provided.  At one point (we don't know how long after creation) the man and woman chose to disobey God.  They ate from that tree.  From that point on there has been a disconnect in the relationship between human and God.  So God, because He loves us, sent His Son to be born to a human mother and live on Earth.  This son, Jesus, lived a perfect life and spent his adult life telling people about the kingdom of God and how to be made right with God.  The religious leaders of the day conspired to have him arrested and he eventually was subjected to a painful death of being hung on a cross.  His body was laid in a tomb and 3 days later he came back from the dead.  His death and resurrection made it possible to be right with God.  By putting our faith in Jesus, and what he did, we are forgiven for our inherent rebellion.

In Matthew 19:25-26 says
The disciples were astounded, "Then who in the world can be saved?" they asked.
Jesus looked at them intently and said "Humanly speaking, it is impossible.  But with God, everything is possible."

And Philippians 2:10-11 says that
At the name of Jesus, every knee will bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.

I believe this these things to be true.  And as a result, I can either make Him the Lord of my life now, or wait until it's too late.

If you have questions I would love the chance to talk to you about this more.
Please note, I'm not trying to start any arguments, so please don't use the comment section for that purpose.  But if you want to have a respectful dialogue, feel free to comment.

God bless y'all!

Back and better than ever

Whew, what a week!
Father’s Day triggered many emotions in me.
I spent the past week or so mentally beating myself up.  You see, over the years I have made many mistakes. I wrote a long blog about my feelings but then realized that it was far too personal to publish without permission from my kids.  I sent it to them and told them that if they didn't want me to post I wouldn't.  I did not receive a response from either one of them so I’m taking that as a no to posting.  But not hearing anything bothered me too.  In the past week, as I've done many other times, I have relived every mistake of the past 23 years.  But this time I actually did a great deal of praying and soul searching.

Here’s what I learned…
For many years I had all kinds of “explanations” for my actions.  But this week I came to realize something: There is a difference between reasons and excuses.  For many years I tried to justify my actions (or in many cases, my inaction.)  But the bottom line is that I made many selfish and wrong choices.  I have spent years trying to convince my kids to forgive me.  But I need to allow them to heal at their own pace.  Their hurt feelings didn't happen overnight, nor will their healing.  The only thing that I can do is learn from my mistakes and make better choices in the future.  I want to be a better person than the one that they used to know.  The only way to prove that is to be the best person I can be for the rest of my life.

Why do I share such personal information?
It turns out that after this week of soul searching and revelations that I was able to use what I learned to help others.  I was speaking to someone who had been going through a situation and was reminded of my journey.  As I listened the words came back to me and I spoke them, “There is a difference between reasons and excuses.”  I went on to share a brief synopsis of my experiences.  What I said really spoke to this person’s heart.
I feel that it’s an honor to take that which God has taught me and use it to help others.
Maybe someone is in the midst of a struggle and the words that they read will speak into their lives.

May God bless you this week!

I took the Monday after preaching off.

In the meantime, check out how you can order your own personal Seriously Jimmy shirt! 

Seriously Jimmy shirts!

Proceeds will go to further the ministry of reaching people for Jesus!

Perspective

Some times I wonder if I’m the only one that feels the way I do.  In my house money is tight.  We often have to forgo some of the things that we think we deserve.  I mean my goodness, (gasp) we don’t even have internet on our phones!

But yesterday I got a great dose of reality…

In order to tell the story it’s probably best that I back up a bit.  As Connect Pastor of http://www.thejourneycommunity.com/, one of the things that my wife and I have started is informal picnics after church at the park in which we meet.  We are hoping that it will be a good tool in building community.  We do our best to bring a little bit of extra food to share in case there are any visitors.
Saturday I went to the store for supplies.  I got some sliced turkey, a block of cheese and a package of pepperoni along with a bag of veggie chips.
Being the easily distracted mess that I am, I totally forgot to put together the items (along with the leftover hamburger buns that I had planned on bringing.  But my wonderful wife had everything ready to go by the time we were to leave for church.  
Well as it turned out, yesterday we had a couple of visitors.  They were in the area and they heard the speaker talking about God so they decided to stick around and hear what he had to say.  After church I invited them to join us for lunch.  Somewhere between church and lunch I learned that they had a need for housing.  As I served these children of God who were less fortunate than I and saw their sincere appreciation over a couple of sandwiches, some veggie chips and a few sticks of celery, I couldn’t help but think of how blessed my wife and I actually are.  We have been given so much!  We were actually able to share with a couple other people as well!  And we were given such an amazing opportunity to show the love of Christ in a tangible way!   On the way home I told my wife that I was actually still a little bit hungry because I didn’t want to eat so much that there wasn’t enough to share.  It turned out she was too.  But we had eaten enough to hold us over until our next meal- in our home of plenty.  And we were deeply convicted by the thought that we are pretty much spoiled.  We are incredibly blessed!
Each night, as we sit down to eat our meal, I hold her hand and we take a minute to thank God for what we have before us.  But tonight we really had a greater appreciation for all we have.
This week I encourage you to count your blessings.  And give thanks to God, the one who gives them.  And don’t hesitate to share with others out of the blessings that you have been given.
 

Ditto?

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I celebrated our 12th anniversary.  I wrote, what I thought, was a beautiful blog that not only shared the things that I have learned over the years, but also was a loving tribute to my wonderful wife.  

I posted a link to the blog on her Facebook wall with the comment “I love the heck out of you” above the link and waited for her to tell me how wonderful it, and in kind, I was.  Later that evening I got a notification on my phone that she had commented.  I was so excited to read the comment because I was certain it would be a heartfelt response.  “Awwwww, ditto” was what I read.  This was obviously not the response I was hoping to get.  For a while I didn’t say anything; my frustration steeped in silence.  She offered to rub my tired back and I accepted.  After about twenty minutes I asked, “Would you prefer I didn’t say or post nice things about you?”  “I said ditto,” she replied.  She went on to explain that she meant the same thing and didn’t understand why I took her response as a negative.  I realized that there was no good that could come from arguing over her not feeling the way I had expected and decided it was best to just drop it.  

Two days later I got another notification.  She had commented on my post again.  This one said, “So the only thing I saw when I commented wasn’t the blog.  I finally saw your blog and it is awesome, thanks!

I asked her if, after reading the whole thing, she understood why I had been upset.  She answered that she did and asked if I, after her explanation, understood why she had only said what she had.  I laughed and admitted that I did.  

Here’s the thing that I have learned.  Not everyone is going to receive what we give them in the way that we expect.  Each of us is different.  My wife didn’t mean anything bad; I just didn’t know the whole story.  And as a result, I had projected all of my insecurities into the situation.  This has happened in the past and I’m ashamed to say that I have, to put it mildly, lost my cool.  This time I was still frustrated, but I didn’t turn it into world war III.  Instead, I trusted everything that I knew about her and that something so small was a divot, not a canyon.  Divots can be filled easily or simply avoided without much impact on the direction in which we are going.  Canyons, on the other hand change the entire journey.  

James 1:19 (NLT) says:

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 

I don’t think that I’ve ever read the “Divot vs. Canyon” analogy before, so I’m claiming it as inspiration from God.  I think it’s a pretty cool visual image for when situations arise between us in the future.  

I’m so glad she’s so patient with me!

Listen up!

Our church often has discussion questions around our tables during the service.  Yesterday, the preacher asked how we can display the spirit of God within our sphere of influence.  My friend, Meagan, (one of the coolest people I know,) talked about how she was going to take the time to ask questions and really get to know her new coworkers.  As I listened to her talking, it made me think about listening. 

So often, people ask questions but don’t even listen to the answers.  I knew someone that told me they quit asking a mutual acquaintance how they were because “They go in to detail about everything going on in their life.”  It struck me how that person would rather just hear “fine” rather than know what’s going on.  And it made me wonder if they actually cared when they asked me how I was. 

Being A.D.H.D. it is extremely difficult for me to be a good listener.  When my wife and I were first married I would come home from work and ask her about her day.  Often as she was talking, something she said would trigger a thought that would take precedence and I would change the subject to what I was thinking or send me running in to another room to write down my thoughts.  This did not go over very well.  A friend explained the way an A.D.H.D. mind works, but I also realized that I needed to be a better listener. 

I’ve gotten better, but I could still use a lot of work.  There are a couple of things that I (try) to remember in being a good listener.

1)      Don’t be a “topper”- A lot of times I have found myself guilty of listening just until I hear something that would give me an opportunity to talk about something about myself.  And it was usually some way of topping the subject about which the other was talking.

2)      Filter out distractions- When I was in college I was seeing a counselor.  She asked that my wife join our next session.  That week, as my wife was answering some questions of the counselor, I realized that I was fixated on what was going on in the parking lot.  So I apologized and asked if we could close the blinds before she went any further.

3)      Be honest- I find that people actually appreciate when I’m honest about having difficulty listening.  I get crazy-distracted when talking to individuals while in a group setting.  Some times the best thing to do has been for me to apologize and say “I really care about you and what you’re saying.  Unfortunately, it’s so difficult to give you the attention you deserve.  Could we go some place quieter or maybe talk about this in the next day or two?”

4)      Don’t always try to be a “fixer”- Being a dude, my nature is that when people tell me about an issue they are dealing with to fix it.  Most of the time people just want someone to listen.  Some times while I’m listening I get so lost in my thoughts of how to fix things that I forget to actually hear what they are talking about.  When I realized how arrogant it was to think that it was my job to have all of the answers I found that I could listen better.  And instead of blurting out information, after I’ve heard everything they said, I have told them when I had thoughts or possible advice and asked if they were interested in hearing.

5)      Pretend there will be a quiz- There’s few things worse than when I ask someone a question and they say “I told you about that the last time we talked.  Don’t you remember?”  It’s been helpful for me to listen to someone and ask questions about what they have said that will not only let them know that I’m engaged in the conversation, but help me to remember what we’re discussing as well.

I would be remiss if I didn’t point out the irony of how I had many of those thoughts while listening to what Meagan was saying yesterday.  But I’ll chalk it up to having my first cup of coffee in a week and my brain multitasking. 

Be blessed and be a blessing to others.

To my wife: Thank you for your continued patience, I'm trying!

Feel free to leave comments, I’m listening!

Screaming Like a Little Girl

Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I was drawing a blank.  I didn’t know what this week’s blog should be about.  So I opened it up to suggestions from friends.
The suggestion that got the most responses (2) was to post about how I recently stepped on a nail.  Not being one to shy away from a challenge, I decided to give it a shot, so here it goes.

My landlord has a shed in our back yard.  It’s not one of those cheap kits you buy at Menard’s or Lowe’s; this thing was built as strong as a bomb shelter.  It’s from back in the day when they hammered real nails by hand to attach the shingles.  Originally I had planned on having BaconFest in the backyard so I wanted to get it done and cleaned up as quickly as possible.  So I offered to do the work for a price.
After a couple of days of struggling to strip the plywood walls the shed got to a point where it was so close to falling that I was afraid to do anything else for fear that it would either come down on my head or fall into the nearby power line.  So I called my landlord and he came out and together we got the thing down in a relatively safe manner.  The next day I started working on cutting it up into manageable pieces and ready to take the roof apart.  As I was carrying a piece off to my disposal pile my foot found a rusty 16 penny nail.  It was sticking out of the bottom plate and went its full depth through my thin shoe sole and into my foot.  I’m pretty sure I screamed like a little girl followed by cussing like a sailor (I’m not proud of either reaction.)
But I was MAD!  The worst part is the fact that it was totally avoidable!  Had I simply done the routine check of the area, which years of construction had trained me to do, I would have pounded all nails and avoided the situation entirely.

I’m not stupid, and if you read this blog you are obviously extremely intelligent.  But some times we do stupid stuff.  And what’s worse is when we have to suffer the consequences of our inaction on things that we know can avoid pain or punishment.  For example, we all know that we can potentially face a ticket if we speed while driving.  But many of us continue to push the boundaries.  I remember getting my first speeding ticket (88 in a 65 MPH zone.)  I was so mad!  I blamed the cop for messing with me and God for allowing it to happen.  When I later relayed the story of the incident to someone they put it to me straight, “Did the cop force you to drive at a speed higher than the posted limit?”  I was angry at the person at first but there couldn’t deny that they were right.

I couldn’t help but wonder how many “nails” there are in my everyday life.  What kind of temptations do I face that I could very easily avoid?  Sure, most of the time I step around or over them, but why?  Why do I insist upon running the risk of injury?  The logical thing to do would be to remove them by either beating them down so that I don’t catch hold as I pass, or by completely removing and disposing of them.

Romans 3:22-23 says:
 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life.  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

God is our gift!  He has given us the necessary tools to avoid the consequences.  All we need is to trust him and use those tools.
And maybe we can avoid those painful, stupid injuries (or worse.)

Words of wisdom from a mushy old dude

Many years ago, I wrote a list.  It was the things that I wanted in the woman with whom I would share the rest of my life.  I started with the basics; she had to have a head and having a body, while not a deal breaker, would be good as well. 

Actually, it was a lot more serious than that.  I wanted someone with the same values as I (she especially had to be someone who loved God.)  I wanted a woman that I could laugh with but with whom I could also have serious conversations as well.  And I wanted someone who would challenge me to be a better man.  I looked over that list every day and prayed asking God to bring me that woman.

I tried dating for a while and at one point I was actually dating someone solely because I thought being with someone was better than being with no one.  While dating that person I went to a bonfire at a friend’s house.  It was a bunch of people from church and I went with the thought in the back of my mind that wondered if the cute girl that had been coming to church might be there.  She was.  Anyone that knows me knows that I love to be the center of attention and to make people laugh.  So there I was, hamming it up, totally in my element.  At one point I ran and sat on the lap of the cute girl’s mother.  Cute girl smiled and laughed and at that very minute I knew that I was to spend the rest of my life with her.  I went home that night and typed a single sentence in that day’s journal entry, “I’d rather not be with anyone than be with someone that’s not her.” 

12 years ago yesterday I married that cute girl! 

I’m not going to tell you it’s been easy.  Even answers to prayer can be challenging. 

But the greatest thing my wife has taught me is that love is constant.  Anyone that knows me knows that at times I’m “difficult.”  I love to argue, I am extremely opinionated, and I am practically insane with A.D.H.D. 

But in the times when it’s most difficult, my wonderful wife CHOOSES to love me.  She may not always like me, but there is never a doubt in my mind that she loves me.  And as a response, I want to be more worthy of that love.  I want to be the man that she deserves.  The family I grew up in is not very big on mushy stuff.  But as cheesy as it sounds, I am totally the dude that is proud to gush about how blessed I am to have such a wonderful partner in life.  And I want to be the man that she not only loves, but I hope and pray that she likes me!

I can’t believe that I’m going to use the next phrase, but…

All you young people out there, if there is any wisdom that I can pass along to you it’s this:

Relationships are difficult enough; never settle for anything less than the absolute best.  Ask God for who He has and instead of trying to convince yourself, your friends, and even God that a person is “the one.”  Some times it might seem like a long lonely wait, but to paraphrase my own words, it’s better to not be with anyone that to be with someone that’s not the one God has planned for you.

God bless y’all!

Not going to apologize for saying I love you

I used to have a friend who could not take a compliment.
I once told her that I liked the shirt she was wearing and she retorted "WHY?"  I said that I liked the character that was on it and the snarky look that it had on its face.  Not long after that she stopped talking to me and eventually told me in a note to never speak to me again.  I gave it a month or two and later asked her what I had done.  "I don't understand why you have to always compliment people" was her reply.  I tried to explain that I'm just an nice guy and that there was no other motivation but to make other people feel good.  I said"I told Jason I like his shirt too, I didn't mean anything more than the fact that I liked his shirt too.  No innuendo or anything inappropriate intended.  But if it makes you uncomfortable I won't say nice things to you."  The last thing she ever said to me was "I just don't understand why you need to say that stuff."
For a while I stopped saying nice things to people.  I thought maybe she was right but didn't really know how or why.  But recently I came to a realization.  If my intentions are good and someone has a problem with how they perceive what I say it is their problem, not mine.

Gary Chapman wrote a book The Five Love Languages.  In it I learned that the main ways that I receive love (not just sexual love) are through 1) acts of service, 2) physical (again, non sexual) touch, and 3) words of affirmation.  I believe that the world is full of hurting people.  If I can say something nice about another person and it makes them smile it is a good thing.  Who know what kind of a crap day they have been having?  It's possible that a few kind words can be life changing.

I said something nice to a friend at work the other day and he said "You obviously are mistaken in believing that I have a say in helping you advance in the company."  I told him that I just said it because I loved him.  He smiled and said "Well thanks, I love you too."  Relationships are the bright spots in often dark days that the world forces upon us.  Later that same day another friend, Alyson told me that I looked good.  I've been trying very hard for the last couple of months to exercise and eat better.  To have someone notice and say something felt great!  And it will be something I'll remember on days when being a sloth seem so tempting.

God is love.
And if I desire to be like Him, I will be a man of love.  So get ready, I plan on telling people that I love them!

Thoughts on the Cecils

This Sunday our lead pastors, Steve and Kim Cecil stepped down from their position in our church.  In August they (and their kids) are moving to Sochi, Russia where they will be training Russians to become pastors.  The day was one of celebration and prayer.  Here are some of my thoughts. 

First, I have to share the beginnings of our relationship.  About 5 years ago Cheryl and I were on the verge of quitting church completely.  We had been badly hurt by the pastor of the church where I had been on staff.  The abuse we had experienced had us ready to walk away from any form of organized religion.  I had just gotten back from taking a group of college students to New Orleans for a spring break mission trip.  While there I became friends with a wonderful young lady, Erin.  Erin was there to help with the ministry but lived in Madison, Wisconsin.  She hadn’t been attending a church on a regular basis so when we reconnected after returning to Madison I decided to help her find a church and maybe one that Cheryl and I could quietly attend.  I called probably 20 churches in Madison and mostly got voice mail.  Each time, I left a message telling who I was and about the campus ministry in which I was running.  I stated how I was hoping to find a church that my wife and I could attend and possibly some of my students.  

Steve was the ONLY pastor out of 20 that got back to me (actually, I think he was the only one to even answer his phone.)  I told him the same thing that I said on the voice mail of the other pastors I had tried to call and Steve said that he would love to meet me for coffee and chat.  A couple of days later we met at a coffee shop and talked.  He told me about the church, The Journey Community of Faith, and asked me about me and Cheryl.  I told him about my reluctance to become part of a church again but how The Journey sounded like a place we would be willing to visit.  Before we left Steve said “I’d like you to pray about what your role at The Journey is going to be.”  I replied “Now’s as good of a time as any” and we prayed right there.  That Sunday Cheryl, Erin, and I attended The Journey for the first time.  We knew we were home.

I started meeting with Steve on a semi weekly basis.  We talked in great depth about the hurt I experienced previously.  One question he asked, in reference to my previous lead pastor, was “Have you forgiven him?”  I’m pretty sure I went on in great detail with the many reasons why I didn’t need to forgive him because he didn’t deserve to be forgiven.  Steve was incredibly patient and, rather than tell me all of the reasons that I actually did need to forgive, asked many questions.  He asked if I deserved to be forgiven for all of the crap I’ve done in my life.  He asked how I could expect God’s grace if I wasn’t willing to extend the same.  “But the man is toxic to my spiritual and emotional wellbeing!” I protested.  Steve helped me to understand that forgiveness had nothing to do with continuing a relationship with a person, but everything to do with the feelings I was holding in my heart.  It took a while, but eventually, I was able to release the feelings of anger and hurt and let go.  I can honestly say that I have forgiven the man. 

Over the years Steve has encouraged me to pursue the call God has placed on my life to be a pastor.  He has been a friend, a role model, and a pastor.  So when we met this past fall and he told me that they were moving to Russia I blurted out, “So what does that mean for me?  Should I still get my pastor’s license?” 

Steve looked me in the eye and asked, “Who called you, God or me?” 

And Kim has been not just a voice of reason in the Cecil family, but also possesses an incredible amount of God given wisdom and is a gifted preacher.  I haven’t spent nearly as much time with her, but the quality of time greatly exceeds the quantity.  There have been many times when she’s spoken words into my life that I felt like she was speaking from a direct hotline with God.  And anyone who has ever had Kim pray over them knows what a powerful experience that can be!

So why am I not crying as I type this?  Why didn’t I cry during the farewell service? 
I think there are a couple of reasons. 

First, it’s not about me.  I am incredibly proud and inspired by their willingness to follow the call that God has placed on their lives.  I’m going to miss them like crazy.  But it would be selfish of me to want them to stay in Madison.  I think of the foundation that they have laid in here and I receive peace. 

I know that God didn't call them to leave, but he called them to go.  That might sound weird but bear with me for a second.  Steve and Kim were obedient and served the Lord to the best of their abilities in Madison.  They were used to train, teach and love us.  And now God has called them to a new task.  This means that it is time for them to use their gifts to meet the needs of a new group of people in a new culture.  And I honestly believe that God will provide someone to pick up in Madison where they left off. 

This could be a time of uncertainty.  We could freak out and start asking “Well what’s going to become of The Journey?”  But it’s like Steve said, “Who called you, God or me?”  It’s true that we don’t know what the future holds.  But isn’t that really part of our journey in life?  I like to think of it as an opportunity to see the amazing things that God can do if we allow Him.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

   

  Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
     Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

I’m going to miss the heck out of Steve and Kim and the kids.  But I can’t wait until we hang out again some day.  I look forward to hearing the great things God will have done in their lives and to telling them what He will have done at The Journey and/or wherever He has called Cheryl and me.  I hope to some day be as much of a blessing to others as the Cecil’s have been (and will continue to be) to so many.