Answers

It sounds so simple.  

But I think I may have finally figured out the answer to one of life’s big questions.

When I was a kid, Bob Thomas, the field goal kicker of the Chicago Bears came to our church to speak to the men and boys.  After he finished speaking everyone was given the chance to come forward and get his autograph.  When it was my turn he asked, “How would you like me to make this out?”  I told him my name and asked if he wanted my autograph.  “Why?” he asked.  “Because I’m going to be famous some day” I answered.  

The weird thing is that for the longest time I had absolutely no clue as to what it was I wanted to be when I “grow up.”  I had marginal success in carpentry.  I was pretty decent on the saxophone and bass and sang harmony with the best of them.  But while I enjoyed these things, I was never really fulfilled.  Once, my birthmother’s husband asked me if I wanted him to teach me guitar.  I grabbed the guitar and played a couple cords and handed it back saying, “Nah, I don’t have enough love for it to commit to becoming excellent.  And the world is full of mediocre guitar players.”  

I guess that’s how I’ve felt about a lot of areas in my life.  I did a lot of things, but never really had the drive to become more than okay.  To say this has lead to years of frustration and disappointment is an understatement.  So recently I have given a lot of thought to what it is that I was created to do with my life.  I figure if I pursue the things that I love, everything else in life will make more sense.  

The interesting thing is that the two things I love the most have been there for quite some time.  But recently I have had a drive to pursue those things with every fiber of my being.  They are not just things that I do but who I am!  And herein lies the answer to the big question of “Who am I?”  

When I was a kid, my parents gave me “The Way,” a (at the time) modern version of the Bible.  There was a bookmark in it which was in the book of James.  The first line of James 1:1 was underlined.  It read “James, a servant of God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”  

I have thought about that verse often and have been asking myself, and God, what that means.  For me, it seems to mean not just figuring out what it is that I love in life, but doing that for God.  So what do I love?  My wife!  God has given me the perfect partner in my wife.  My #1 job is to be the best husband I can possibly be.  God has called (us) two to become one.  We often refer to our spouse as “The other half.”  But I want our DNA to so be interwoven that losing her would be losing me. 

The second thing that I love is sharing God’s word.  No job or activity I have ever done has come close to the feeling I have had when I speak the words that God has called me to speak.  There is really no way to adequately describe it.  It has become like a fire in my heart.  It is something I need to do.  There is nothing else that satisfies.  

Does this mean that I’m going to quit my job tomorrow and start shopping around for churches?  No, that wouldn’t be realistic.  I know that I still have a way to go before that happens.  But in the mean time, I will pursue preparedness with passion and persistence (whoa, that’s a lot of p’s!)  

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.- Colossians 3:23

To you, the reader and fellow traveler in this life we share, I say this:  “Find that which you love and figure out how to do that for Jesus.”  

I would love to read your thoughts and observations on what this means in your life.  Please feel free to dream and share!

Blessings and Stuff

I don't know why, but lately I have been thinking about blessings and stuff.  Recently I was called upon to assist with a certain situation.  During the incident the person said "I just don't know what to do anymore."  It wasn't the time or place to offer some pearls of wisdom, I merely did what I was called upon to do.  But it got me thinking.  I actually have strong feelings and opinions on the subject in question.  But what they were saying at the time was more of a statement in frustration rather than a request for advice.

A year or so ago my wife and I had a friend and her mother stay with us for a few days.  Me, being the one that expresses love through cooking, asked if the mom had any dietary restrictions.  It turned out that she was vegetarian.  I could have said "Well I'm not, she'll get what she's served" or made a boring cheese pizza and let her deal with it.  But how is that love?  How is that being a blessing?  Instead I got plenty of yummy ingredients and made a heck of a good pizza (of course I did have one with bacon for the meat eaters present.)  I hope that she was blessed, but I didn't do it to get recognized as awesome.  I did it because that's how we should love.  We may not all have the same likes and dislikes, but if I love, we can find commonality.

I also have been learning to recognize when to shut up.  My wife may some times tells me about something that has happened in her day.  Some times, all she wants is for me to listen.  When I stop listening and start formulating an answer to all her problems, I have stopped being a blessing.

I do need to follow up on that friend now that the heat of the moment has cooled off.  I won't offer unsolicited advice.  Instead I will tell them that I have thoughts on what happened and that I am available if they want to chat.

I guess what I'm saying is that being a blessing is not about me.
It sounds so basic.  But in the "me-centric" world in which we live it takes some practice.
Being a blessing is not about making us look good.  It's about serving and love in an unselfish manner.  When/if I bless someone my goal needs to be one that gives all glory to God.
That reminds me of the old song we used to sing in the Swedish Baptist church.  The song was titled Make Me a Blessing and part says:

Make me a blessing, make me a blessing,
Out of my life may Jesus shine

So there ya have it.
I'd love to read your thoughts

Hurting Whom?

Warning, this is kind of a graphic post but one that I hope helps someone...

Several years ago, when I was going through the beginning of the end in my first marriage I was in a dark place.  I worked in a woodworking shop and would occasionally call my (now) x wife on my breaks.  One day, after a particularly heated discussion on the phone I returned to work fuming.  I was so filled with rage that I just wanted to hurt someone or something.  And then I noticed something.  The machine I worked on had several sets of drill bits.  In retrospect, I  know my anger induced thinking was clouded.  I don't know what my thought process was at that time, I just did it...  I shoved my forearm into the machine and dragged it across one of the drill bits for about 10 inches drawing blood.  I looked around to make certain nobody noticed and wrapped my arm in toilet paper and pulled down the sleeve of my sweatshirt.  And in some weird way, the pain made me set aside my anger until the next bout.  Some time later we went at it on the phone again.  This time I used my company issued razor knife.  I did the other arm and again, I went on with my day.  In time, I was finding the smallest things and using them as an excuse to control my emotional pain with physical.  I got to the point where I wouldn't wear short sleeves for fear of having to explain myself.
When my marriage fell completely apart I kind of forgot and stopped cutting my arms.
Then, one day I met the most amazing woman.  I heard her laugh and knew I had to spend the rest of my life with her!  We started dating and I ended up proposing.
And then it hit me.  I started to worry that I was opening myself up for the possibility of more pain.  So one night, I decided to "take control" and hurt myself first (I'll spare you the gory details) and branded a cross in my left forearm.  Some nights later, my fiance noticed my arm that was bandaged and asked me what had happened to it.  I didn't want to lie, so I told her.
I saw tears well up in her eyes as she told me to that she never again wanted to see me hurt the man she loves.  It was as if I was watching her very heart being cut.  She swore she would never intentionally cause me physical or emotional pain.  And I believed it.  Her love for me reminded me so much of how unconditionally God loves us.  I married that woman, and to this day she has kept her promise.  And I kept mine to never intentionally cause myself physical pain.

Why do I share this story?

Because this afternoon on the way home from work God laid it on my heart.  And I have learned that when He says to do something I do it.

As I type I am thinking, if seeing the results of self-inflicted wounds can cause another human being such heartbreak, how much more sadness does our Father and creator feel when He sees us cause pain to ourselves or others?  And I imagine the tears in His eyes as we seek counterfeit solutions.  Can we stop the world from hurting us?  No.  But we do have access to the source of healing.  His love for us in unconditional and unending.  We are able to have peace in the knowledge that this world is temporary.  One day all physical, mental, and emotional wounds will be gone.  We can live with the hope that is held in an eternity with God!
How cool is that?

But he was pierced for our rebellion,
    crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
    He was whipped so we could be healed.
                                                         Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)

I pray that this story speaks to someone in a way that brings God's healing.  If you would like to share please feel free to in the comment section or send me a personal message.
And If you are experiencing a similar emotional battle I would love to pray for/with you.

God bless y'all!