Ditto?

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I celebrated our 12th anniversary.  I wrote, what I thought, was a beautiful blog that not only shared the things that I have learned over the years, but also was a loving tribute to my wonderful wife.  

I posted a link to the blog on her Facebook wall with the comment “I love the heck out of you” above the link and waited for her to tell me how wonderful it, and in kind, I was.  Later that evening I got a notification on my phone that she had commented.  I was so excited to read the comment because I was certain it would be a heartfelt response.  “Awwwww, ditto” was what I read.  This was obviously not the response I was hoping to get.  For a while I didn’t say anything; my frustration steeped in silence.  She offered to rub my tired back and I accepted.  After about twenty minutes I asked, “Would you prefer I didn’t say or post nice things about you?”  “I said ditto,” she replied.  She went on to explain that she meant the same thing and didn’t understand why I took her response as a negative.  I realized that there was no good that could come from arguing over her not feeling the way I had expected and decided it was best to just drop it.  

Two days later I got another notification.  She had commented on my post again.  This one said, “So the only thing I saw when I commented wasn’t the blog.  I finally saw your blog and it is awesome, thanks!

I asked her if, after reading the whole thing, she understood why I had been upset.  She answered that she did and asked if I, after her explanation, understood why she had only said what she had.  I laughed and admitted that I did.  

Here’s the thing that I have learned.  Not everyone is going to receive what we give them in the way that we expect.  Each of us is different.  My wife didn’t mean anything bad; I just didn’t know the whole story.  And as a result, I had projected all of my insecurities into the situation.  This has happened in the past and I’m ashamed to say that I have, to put it mildly, lost my cool.  This time I was still frustrated, but I didn’t turn it into world war III.  Instead, I trusted everything that I knew about her and that something so small was a divot, not a canyon.  Divots can be filled easily or simply avoided without much impact on the direction in which we are going.  Canyons, on the other hand change the entire journey.  

James 1:19 (NLT) says:

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 

I don’t think that I’ve ever read the “Divot vs. Canyon” analogy before, so I’m claiming it as inspiration from God.  I think it’s a pretty cool visual image for when situations arise between us in the future.  

I’m so glad she’s so patient with me!