I used to have a friend who could not take a compliment.
I once told her that I liked the shirt she was wearing and she retorted "WHY?" I said that I liked the character that was on it and the snarky look that it had on its face. Not long after that she stopped talking to me and eventually told me in a note to never speak to me again. I gave it a month or two and later asked her what I had done. "I don't understand why you have to always compliment people" was her reply. I tried to explain that I'm just an nice guy and that there was no other motivation but to make other people feel good. I said"I told Jason I like his shirt too, I didn't mean anything more than the fact that I liked his shirt too. No innuendo or anything inappropriate intended. But if it makes you uncomfortable I won't say nice things to you." The last thing she ever said to me was "I just don't understand why you need to say that stuff."
For a while I stopped saying nice things to people. I thought maybe she was right but didn't really know how or why. But recently I came to a realization. If my intentions are good and someone has a problem with how they perceive what I say it is their problem, not mine.
Gary Chapman wrote a book The Five Love Languages. In it I learned that the main ways that I receive love (not just sexual love) are through 1) acts of service, 2) physical (again, non sexual) touch, and 3) words of affirmation. I believe that the world is full of hurting people. If I can say something nice about another person and it makes them smile it is a good thing. Who know what kind of a crap day they have been having? It's possible that a few kind words can be life changing.
I said something nice to a friend at work the other day and he said "You obviously are mistaken in believing that I have a say in helping you advance in the company." I told him that I just said it because I loved him. He smiled and said "Well thanks, I love you too." Relationships are the bright spots in often dark days that the world forces upon us. Later that same day another friend, Alyson told me that I looked good. I've been trying very hard for the last couple of months to exercise and eat better. To have someone notice and say something felt great! And it will be something I'll remember on days when being a sloth seem so tempting.
God is love.
And if I desire to be like Him, I will be a man of love. So get ready, I plan on telling people that I love them!
Even something as simple as a smile to a passing stranger can completely turn their day around. Just a smile that says, "hello"! There is a hand painted sign hanging about 15ft up a power pole here in Portland that reads, "thank you for your therapeutic smile"... I smile everytime I see it. Happiness is contagious!
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