Not going to apologize for saying I love you

I used to have a friend who could not take a compliment.
I once told her that I liked the shirt she was wearing and she retorted "WHY?"  I said that I liked the character that was on it and the snarky look that it had on its face.  Not long after that she stopped talking to me and eventually told me in a note to never speak to me again.  I gave it a month or two and later asked her what I had done.  "I don't understand why you have to always compliment people" was her reply.  I tried to explain that I'm just an nice guy and that there was no other motivation but to make other people feel good.  I said"I told Jason I like his shirt too, I didn't mean anything more than the fact that I liked his shirt too.  No innuendo or anything inappropriate intended.  But if it makes you uncomfortable I won't say nice things to you."  The last thing she ever said to me was "I just don't understand why you need to say that stuff."
For a while I stopped saying nice things to people.  I thought maybe she was right but didn't really know how or why.  But recently I came to a realization.  If my intentions are good and someone has a problem with how they perceive what I say it is their problem, not mine.

Gary Chapman wrote a book The Five Love Languages.  In it I learned that the main ways that I receive love (not just sexual love) are through 1) acts of service, 2) physical (again, non sexual) touch, and 3) words of affirmation.  I believe that the world is full of hurting people.  If I can say something nice about another person and it makes them smile it is a good thing.  Who know what kind of a crap day they have been having?  It's possible that a few kind words can be life changing.

I said something nice to a friend at work the other day and he said "You obviously are mistaken in believing that I have a say in helping you advance in the company."  I told him that I just said it because I loved him.  He smiled and said "Well thanks, I love you too."  Relationships are the bright spots in often dark days that the world forces upon us.  Later that same day another friend, Alyson told me that I looked good.  I've been trying very hard for the last couple of months to exercise and eat better.  To have someone notice and say something felt great!  And it will be something I'll remember on days when being a sloth seem so tempting.

God is love.
And if I desire to be like Him, I will be a man of love.  So get ready, I plan on telling people that I love them!

Thoughts on the Cecils

This Sunday our lead pastors, Steve and Kim Cecil stepped down from their position in our church.  In August they (and their kids) are moving to Sochi, Russia where they will be training Russians to become pastors.  The day was one of celebration and prayer.  Here are some of my thoughts. 

First, I have to share the beginnings of our relationship.  About 5 years ago Cheryl and I were on the verge of quitting church completely.  We had been badly hurt by the pastor of the church where I had been on staff.  The abuse we had experienced had us ready to walk away from any form of organized religion.  I had just gotten back from taking a group of college students to New Orleans for a spring break mission trip.  While there I became friends with a wonderful young lady, Erin.  Erin was there to help with the ministry but lived in Madison, Wisconsin.  She hadn’t been attending a church on a regular basis so when we reconnected after returning to Madison I decided to help her find a church and maybe one that Cheryl and I could quietly attend.  I called probably 20 churches in Madison and mostly got voice mail.  Each time, I left a message telling who I was and about the campus ministry in which I was running.  I stated how I was hoping to find a church that my wife and I could attend and possibly some of my students.  

Steve was the ONLY pastor out of 20 that got back to me (actually, I think he was the only one to even answer his phone.)  I told him the same thing that I said on the voice mail of the other pastors I had tried to call and Steve said that he would love to meet me for coffee and chat.  A couple of days later we met at a coffee shop and talked.  He told me about the church, The Journey Community of Faith, and asked me about me and Cheryl.  I told him about my reluctance to become part of a church again but how The Journey sounded like a place we would be willing to visit.  Before we left Steve said “I’d like you to pray about what your role at The Journey is going to be.”  I replied “Now’s as good of a time as any” and we prayed right there.  That Sunday Cheryl, Erin, and I attended The Journey for the first time.  We knew we were home.

I started meeting with Steve on a semi weekly basis.  We talked in great depth about the hurt I experienced previously.  One question he asked, in reference to my previous lead pastor, was “Have you forgiven him?”  I’m pretty sure I went on in great detail with the many reasons why I didn’t need to forgive him because he didn’t deserve to be forgiven.  Steve was incredibly patient and, rather than tell me all of the reasons that I actually did need to forgive, asked many questions.  He asked if I deserved to be forgiven for all of the crap I’ve done in my life.  He asked how I could expect God’s grace if I wasn’t willing to extend the same.  “But the man is toxic to my spiritual and emotional wellbeing!” I protested.  Steve helped me to understand that forgiveness had nothing to do with continuing a relationship with a person, but everything to do with the feelings I was holding in my heart.  It took a while, but eventually, I was able to release the feelings of anger and hurt and let go.  I can honestly say that I have forgiven the man. 

Over the years Steve has encouraged me to pursue the call God has placed on my life to be a pastor.  He has been a friend, a role model, and a pastor.  So when we met this past fall and he told me that they were moving to Russia I blurted out, “So what does that mean for me?  Should I still get my pastor’s license?” 

Steve looked me in the eye and asked, “Who called you, God or me?” 

And Kim has been not just a voice of reason in the Cecil family, but also possesses an incredible amount of God given wisdom and is a gifted preacher.  I haven’t spent nearly as much time with her, but the quality of time greatly exceeds the quantity.  There have been many times when she’s spoken words into my life that I felt like she was speaking from a direct hotline with God.  And anyone who has ever had Kim pray over them knows what a powerful experience that can be!

So why am I not crying as I type this?  Why didn’t I cry during the farewell service? 
I think there are a couple of reasons. 

First, it’s not about me.  I am incredibly proud and inspired by their willingness to follow the call that God has placed on their lives.  I’m going to miss them like crazy.  But it would be selfish of me to want them to stay in Madison.  I think of the foundation that they have laid in here and I receive peace. 

I know that God didn't call them to leave, but he called them to go.  That might sound weird but bear with me for a second.  Steve and Kim were obedient and served the Lord to the best of their abilities in Madison.  They were used to train, teach and love us.  And now God has called them to a new task.  This means that it is time for them to use their gifts to meet the needs of a new group of people in a new culture.  And I honestly believe that God will provide someone to pick up in Madison where they left off. 

This could be a time of uncertainty.  We could freak out and start asking “Well what’s going to become of The Journey?”  But it’s like Steve said, “Who called you, God or me?”  It’s true that we don’t know what the future holds.  But isn’t that really part of our journey in life?  I like to think of it as an opportunity to see the amazing things that God can do if we allow Him.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

   

  Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
     Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

I’m going to miss the heck out of Steve and Kim and the kids.  But I can’t wait until we hang out again some day.  I look forward to hearing the great things God will have done in their lives and to telling them what He will have done at The Journey and/or wherever He has called Cheryl and me.  I hope to some day be as much of a blessing to others as the Cecil’s have been (and will continue to be) to so many. 

down but not out

my laptop is down and it's difficult to type from my tablet. I will try to post a new blog as soon as possible.

Now What?

If you are like me, you experienced an excellent Easter Sunday this past weekend.  It's possible it was for the first time or the first time in a long time.  Even if you just took some time out of you usual Sunday morning and reflected on the resurrection from home, you may be asking yourself "now what?"

A couple of years ago I had the pleasure of speaking at a week of camp for middle school church kids.  On the night before the last one of the week some of the students received a call that a friend from back home had been killed in a swimming accident.  They were devastated.  The next day, as I was preparing the message for the evening, I was chatting with Dave, the leader of the worship band.  I told him that I was thinking of asking something like "If you were to die tonight, do you know where you would go?"  Dave said that it wasn't a bad strategy but wondered if it would be more effective to ask "What if you were to live tomorrow?"  I spent the rest of the day walking around the camp thinking and praying about that question.  And that night when I asked that question to the students as part of the invitation to give their lives or rededicate to Christ about 95% of them came forward.  The next morning we had a short service before about 20 kids were baptized in the camp swimming pool.  Here are some of the thoughts I shared with them which I believe can apply to us as we experience the weeks after Resurrection Sunday:

Live the life!

Ephesians 4:1-6 says,

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentile; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.  

Not a whole lot needs to be said about this one, let's just not forget that as it says in Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

I am convinced that if we keep this mind it can be a life changer.

Hang out!

Hebrews 10:24-25:

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another-and all the more as you see the day approaching.

It's God's plan that we be the body of Christ.  He designed it that way for a reason.  Church services and small-group Bible studies are to be interactive.  Don't get me wrong, going to church or Bible study does not save you, but in these settings we are able to meet as a collective body to encourage and build each other up.  I can't even begin to tell you how talking with other believers and sharing what I've struggled with has changed my life and brought me closer to God.  Can we have a relationship with God without meeting with a body?  Yes, but I am convinced that it will be one of much less power and effectiveness.  So I encourage you, find a fellowship of believers where you feel that you can best fit as a member of the body of Christ.  

Show Some Love

Before Jesus was crucified he shared a new commandment with his disciples, one that applies to us today.

John 13: 34-35

"A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

There are many more things I could say on this subject, but super-long blogs don't usually get read to the end.  So the last thing I'll say is pray.  The Lord will direct your step.

The comment section would be a cool place for you to share your thoughts or encouragements on this subject with others.  God bless y'all!