Identity

In 2003, at the age of twenty-eight, I went back to college.  While there preparing for ministry I had a crisis of identity.  

If I had grades that were any less than perfection I freaked out and I ran myself ragged trying to please everyone I knew.  

I eventually found myself taking advantage of the free counseling program offered by the school.  

The counselor asked me why I felt the need to get perfect grades.  She told me that, "Ten years from now do you really think anyone is going to ask what your GPA was?  She also asked my why I felt that I needed to do so many things for others. 

I thought long and hard on those questions, especially the second one.  Being a verbal processor I had long arguments with myself in her office.  

But after a long time and many tears, I came to a conclusion in the form of a question.  "If I don't do these things, what reason would anyone have for loving me or even wanting to be my friend?"  I mean seriously, I was 20 years older than the majority of the students and my prior college experience ended after a year with a .5 GPA.  

The counselor gave me an assignment.  "Go home and make 2 lists" she told me.  "On one write out how you see yourself.  And on the other, list how God sees you."

I don't remember everything that was on the lists, but I do remember that after reading them to the counselor she asked, "Now, which list is true."
Knowing that God is love and that He doesn't lie I had to answer that it was the "God list."  "So why not accept the way He sees you and live as such?"
I may be a bit slow on the uptake, but I'm not dumb.  I decided to give it a shot.
I stopped killing myself with stressing over being "good enough" so that people would love me.  This doesn't mean that I stopped doing things for others or working to get the best grades possible. 

I just had a different reason.  I began doing things as a response to God's love.  

I no longer put my identity in being a perfect student, my identity in God motivated me to work hard.
No longer was my identity in doing things to be worthy of love, my identity in God's love caused me to love and serve others as I was able.  

I learned that the old saying is true, "You can't truly love others until you learn to love yourself."  

For me, the first step in loving myself came from accepting God's perfect love.  

His love is there for you too.  All you need to do is receive it.

Then you too can find your identity in Him.
And you will begin to live the life for which you were created.  

I would love to hear from you and if you would like, I'd be honored to pray for you.  

God bless y'all,

Jimmy (Seriously!)